That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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