Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
