you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
