actually, I'm a sock model
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
