Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
