I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I'm both gender and math confused
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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