She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Randomize
