I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
