I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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