I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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