dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
a search helicopter?!
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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