I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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