I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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