he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
