I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
where are my eyebrows?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
