Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
