everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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