remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
