"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
