I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
