hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I am full of burrito and curiosity
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
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