he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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