i wish my penis had a tongue
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
