haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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