I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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