Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
