i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
