I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
how do flat chested girls get laid?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
