I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
