I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
