The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i dont even know how to be here
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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