brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Someone shit on the floor
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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