i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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