I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
