I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
This girl is more easily done than said...
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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