boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
