Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
