21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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