Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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