i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
