He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
