Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
