I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
