hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
