I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
