she looked like the bat from fern gully.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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