there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
