I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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