All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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