pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
