worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
