note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
