apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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