There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
