Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
