your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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