the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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