Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
