you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
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